July 2013 – mimimustknit

July 27, 2013July 27, 2013

Comfortably Numb

We all know that expression: “Comfortably Numb”. But, does anyone know what it really means? I think I might. Today anyway.

All these changes I’ve made in my life have put in motion a wave of not-so-pleasent things. Change is difficult. Major change is practically painful. Except that, if you’re one of the lucky ones (like me), the end result might be bliss. Yes, I said bliss.

I’m sitting at my dining room table enjoying my coffee and I’m looking out at blank walls, empty drawers, cabinets and old trunks with no treasures in them. Most of my things are in storage now. I’m on the last leg.

Saying goodbye to your life as you know it, and have known it for years, is really… uncomfortable. REALLY uncomfortable. I’m feeling sad, unsure, insecure, worried and just plain petrified! I spent some time crying over the last few weeks as I packed up my things. BUT, I also spent some time being excited about what the future holds. Uncertainty can be exciting right? I know a few people who cringe at uncertainty. It really freaks me out too. But, at the same time, I feel the good kind of butterflies in my stomach.

On Monday, Nancy and I booked our flights to California. We’re doing The Coast. I may have floated home that night.

I sold my car. I’m getting another. In a few weeks. Feels strange.

I read an interesting article yesterday. Made me smile. It was about detoxing your life – getting rid of the things (and people) that tie us down – just for a little while. Me = house, stuff, car, stuff… Funny.

I still feel sad when I pull into the driveway and Jacob’s car is not there. I sometimes still can’t believe he’s gone. But, he’s doing so well. I’m so proud of him. I miss him.

I have been going through so many emotions each day that my brain has essentially shut down. I’ve become numb. But an OK numb. A content numb. A looking-forward-to-the-future numb. It will be nice to say “Hey, I have some extra money this week – I’m going to put it in Jacob’s account.” Or “Wow, that’s a great deal for a weekend in NYC. Who’s game?” That part will be FUN!

I don’t have good or bad “days” anymore. I have “moments”.

I saw Patrick’s mom last night and she told me he takes his monster truck everywhere. I love that she told me that. I was so proud. I hated making that damn thing but hearing her say that made it worth it. I’m still never making another.

I haven’t been knitting. I’m packing. And, I kind of just don’t feel inspired.

Tomorrow, all the furniture comes out. It will be fine. Right?

In 9 days, I will be on a flight heading towards my first adventure: Chicago. All will be well.

July 17, 2013

Breathe! This next chapter will be AWESOME!!

I woke up this morning with a really big knot in the pit of my stomach. I have two more weeks to sleep in my bed, in my bedroom, in my house. What a strange feeling. I get the knots often now. My move date is exactly two weeks from today. When the panic takes me over, I just breathe and remember how much fun the next year will be.

So far, I’ve taken enough out of the house that there’s a bit of an echo when I talk now. Freaks me out.

I did a second load to Lou’s today (where I’m storing my stuff). My wool is now in it’s new home. That’s another strange feeling. I know non-knitters wouldn’t think that that’s a big deal. But, let me assure you, IT IS TO A KNITTER! 🙂

Before I hauled it over there, I went through each bin (I think I counted 10) and took photos of what I had. I had this bright idea to package wool and pattern in zip-locks for easy access. Then I realized I gave Jacob my printer. So, I’ve just been matching up my yarn with the patterns in my queue on Ravelry. I panicked a bit today before loading the bins in the car because I don’t have a project right now!

I finished Jenna’s baby’s sweater. It’s adorable. I haven’t any pictures of it yet though. I’ll post them later. It needs buttons.

I also gave Patrick his monster truck today. He really liked it. I only stayed about 15 minutes but he must have said “I like my monster truck” a dozen times while I was there. Wonder if he’ll sleep with it tonight. His mother asked if she could wash it. Yikes! I turned to Patrick and said “Dude, you can’t throw up on the monster truck ok?” Problem solved.

My India travel guide came yesterday. I’ve barely had a chance to leaf through it cause it’s been a hectic couple of days. Maybe this weekend. WAIT, I’ll be looking through the California guide I ordered today on the weekend. EEEEEEEKKKKK!! I’m a bit excited, in case you couldn’t tell.

This whole transition period sucks. I’m so sad and so excited all at the same time. I still miss Jacob all the time. We still chat every day but I still miss having him around sometimes. I’m sad about leaving this house. I know it’s just a house but… There’s something about this place. I’m trying to really be present while I’m still here – to enjoy and appreciate every moment I have left here. But, at the same time, I’m anxious to get this process over with and be on the other side. Know what I mean?

Something else I’m really excited about: I got this amazing drawing of my next tattoo from Eric in Chicago. I’m thrilled with what he’s done up for me. It’s going to be beautiful.

On the weekend, Steve and I made a fire. My first and last of the summer. It was great. AND HOT! There was no wind and it must have been 30 000 000 degrees outside.

Well, that’s about as exciting as it gets for me these days. I’m pooped!

July 9, 2013July 9, 2013

Transition

I read this blog post a few weeks ago. It’s about TRANSITION. It really hit home at the time. Even though it doesn’t all apply to me, the idea is the same. Mind you, when I read it, my big changes were still over yonder. She put this at the top of her post:

Tomorrow, Jacob will have been in his new place for a whole week. I’m still having a hard time getting used to living alone – or without him. It’s very strange that he’s not here anymore. We still chat every day, which makes me feel better. I miss him. BUT, I don’t miss the empty Pepsi cans on the coffee table, the dirty dishes on the kitchen counter, the toast crumbs, or the little hairs all over the bathroom sink when he shaved. Hahahaha.

So, that’s one big change behind me. People keep telling me I’ll get used to not having Jacob around. But, I really don’t have time or the need to get used to anything because in 20 days, I won’t be living here anymore either.

I have so far packed up some of my books. That’s it! Help is on the way: Mom!

I’m a little weirded out about being homeless. I must admit. Sometimes I ask myself “What the hell are you doing?” Am I crazy? Fearless? Adventurous? Courageous? Or just nutts?

I’m very excited about travelling. I have some big plans for the next 6 months but the only one that’s for sure at this point is Chicago on August 5th. I’m going to visit some friends down there.

After that, I’m going to try to let things “flow” as my friend Pam would say.

On the fiber front, I have NO ORDERS pending. I’m so psyched. I get to knit whatever I want. Right now, I’m working on a baby sweater for my friends Jenna and Rob. They’re expecting their first baby in November. I actually have nothing else on the go. Well, I’m lying. I have the Tess D’Youberville shawl in progress but I’m not feeling it – I’ll be ripping it back today or tomorrow. Soon, I’ll start going through my wool to see what I can use up and/or get rid of. I have so much wool/fiber!!!

I sold my Matchless and my Traditional and got myself a little Sidekick. It’s a little spinning wheel that folds up into a back-pack for easy transport. I love it.

That’s all I got for today. It’s packing time.